We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
