did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
