My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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