I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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