dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
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So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
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His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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