hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
