Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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