I can't watch pbs sober anymore
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
