I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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