True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You need a sexual gate keeper
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize