You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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