new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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