Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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