I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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