Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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