My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
