I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
