i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
