Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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