I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
