did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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