Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
