whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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