Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
