then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
