I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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