we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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