You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
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woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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