I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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