Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
