so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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