I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
