smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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