U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
