I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
