So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize
