i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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