Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
