His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
