Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
literally had 100 drinks last night.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
