I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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