I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
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