Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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