Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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