my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
