Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
