hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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