Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The best revenge is premature balding
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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