i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
