I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
