Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
