oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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