I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
