you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
