There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
