thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
