I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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