If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She even gives head with a lisp.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
