Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
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I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
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He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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