You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
