I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
