dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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