So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
