I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
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My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
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THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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