Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
