Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
