somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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