You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
