I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
