I wanna bring you to show and tell
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
