she smelled like a LAN party
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
