The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
